Category Archives: Bite Size

Bite Size, Listening: No One's Doing It Anymore, Restaurant

Listening: No One’s Doing It Anymore II

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tomato_bisque

Cheer: “The soup today is a tomato bisque. Do you have any questions about the menu?”

Customer 1: “What’s the soup?”
Cheer: “Tomato bisque.”

Customer 2: “What comes with the steak?”
Cheer: “Fries and a salad.”
Customer 2: “And what is the soup today?”
Cheer: “Tomato bisque.”

Customer 3: “What comes with the steak?”
Cheer: “Fries and a salad.”
Customer 3: “What is the soup today?”
Cheer: “Ask customer 1 or 2.”

Customer 4: “What is a steak?”
Cheer: “Expensive meat.”
Customer 4: “And what comes with that?”
Cheer: “Probably what’s listed on the menu, and what I just told customers 2 and 3.”
Customer 4: “Hmmm. And what’s the soup today?”
Cheer: “I will cut you.”

Bite Size, Restaurant

Burger

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Cheer: “Do you have any questions about the menu?”

Lady: “The ‘Comes-From-A-Local-Farm Burger’, that’s vegetarian, right?”

Cheer: “Uhhhhh, no. That’s whole lotta beefy, meaty-meat. A hamburger.”

Lady: “Oh, OK. Well, that’s OK, I’m not a vegetarian. I’ll have that.”

Cheer: “Uh-huh.”

veggie_burger

Bite Size, Listening: No One's Doing It Anymore, Restaurant

Listening: No One’s Doing It Anymore

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Cheer: “Hi. I’ve come to serve you. To appease your every need. To wait on you hand and foot. For a few dollars.”

Customer: “After the third quarter review, Flotsam realized he was losing time with the NQRP, and he went behind Jetsam’s back to initiate the sale with Kleinstein. The LDT never changed its course until the NWS gave the signal to access the VQ Fund. Only then, with the contract on the table, did Blinkerflacker call on the elite network for a brainstorming session to come up with more lingo to use at restaurants while we ignore our server.”

Cheer: “I’ve been standing here, patiently waiting, for a good minute. Waiting for you to finish your thought, and shut the fuck up, so I can get your damn martini order. If you even dared to glance in my general direction, to acknowledge my existence, I might not have a strong urge to whip out my vagina and piss on your face right now.”

Customer: “Then the head of the RN187 division…”

Cheer: “Fuck my life.”


toast_douchebags3

Bite Size, Restaurant

Dessert

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Cheer: “Would you like to browse our dessert list today?”

Lady: “Oh, heavens no! I’m so full. I’m so full, I just, I just can’t.”

Cheer: “OK. I’ll just take this plate full of butter from you, as it appears that it was left behind when your table was cleared.”

Lady: “No! I’m, I’m, I’m a stuttering mess at the thought of you removing my precious butter slab. And, I’m, I’m waiting for, going to have, some more, ummm, of that delicious cranberry bread.”

Cheer: “You’re so full you couldn’t possibly stomach a mouthful of sorbet, but you’d like to consume more dense bread with dried fruit and nuts in it, with a hefty amount of butter on top.”

Lady: “Yes.”

Cheer: “You’re going to have to show your work on that one.”


cranberry-bread

Bite Size, Restaurant

Cocktail Party

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pigs_in_a_blanket4

Man: “ll take one of those.”

Cheer: “Why of course, sir. Would you care for a tiny napkin to accompany your tiny hors d’oeuvre?”

Man: “No, thanks. I’ll just wipe my hands on one of the table cloths in a minute.”

Cheer: “What an appropriate thing to do.”

——

Man 2: “What’s your name?”

Cheer: “Cheer.”

Man 2: “Cheer?”

Cheer: “Yes.”

Man 2: “So, is that your stripper name, or is it really your name?”

Cheer:”I wasn’t feeling degraded already–serving you pigs in a blanket while you become inappropriately intoxicated at a work function. So, sure, call me a stripper. It will surely improve my service.”

 

Bite Size, Restaurant

Helpful

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Newbie Chef: “Today’s special comes with A, B, and C.”
Server: “What’s B?”
Newbie Chef: “Well, there are two versions of B. The Italian one and the Spanish one.”
Cheer: “What’s the difference?”
Newbie Chef: “The ingredients.”
Cheer: “Care to elaborate?”