What do I need a knife for?

Customer: (In Grand Central Terminal) How do I get to the train?
Cheer: The train? This is the largest train station in the world. You’re going to have to be more specific.

Is there any calamari in the grilled calamari salad?

I’ll have the confetti duck. (Menu reads: duck confit)

Customer: Do you know where the bathroom is?
Cheer: No. I work here, and I have no idea where the bathroom is.

I need a nice glass of wine, so I can throw it at my husband.

Lady: Why has this become such a man’s menu?

Can you make that a double-size order? I probably won’t eat all of it.

Are you the dessert?

Serving exposes one to a barrage of stupid people. One requirement of being a server is to keep a straight face while calmly answering questions like the ones below, in order to make the diner feel as though it were a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.

What kind of underwear do you have?

The chocolate torte… Can I get that, but vanilla instead?

On the grilled calamari salad, is the calamari grilled?

So, the prix fixe set-up here, it works just like the prix-fixe at Applebee’s, right?

Is the tuna tartare cooked pretty well done?

Can I get the tuna tartare, but cooked?

(In Grand Central Terminal) Is this a train station?