Category Archives: Witness

Things You Can’t Un-hear

Cheer is in a bathroom stall in a bar and overhears the following conversation between Girl A, who is at the sink, and Girl B, who is in a stall.

Girl A: “I can’t believe it!”

Girl B: “I know! He was like, a parents’ dream!”

Girl A: “It’s cause he’s a fucking Jew!”

Girl B: “Yeah…”

Girl A: “It’s cause he’s a fucking power-hungry, money-hoarding Jew. It’s cause he’s fucking Jewish.”

Girl A then pokes fun at herself by singing “Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist.”

-Pause-

Girl A: “I’m also homophobic.”

Girl B: “But you can’t be homophobic if you know my cousin Shannon. She’s like, the epitome of a dyke.”

Girl A: “What? I can’t hear you over the water.”

-Pause-

Girl B: “I can’t believe I have to work on Tuesday.”

Later that same evening, Cheer finds herself back in the bathroom with the same girls, plus one of their friends, Girl C.

Girl C: “I’m going to go make sure she doesn’t fuck some random guy.”

Girl C exits the bathroom.

Girl A: “I’m going to have to have a semi-serious talk with her tomorrow. She’s just cock teasing all these guys.”

Girl B: “The cock teasing is getting out of hand.”

Girl A: “And she’s not even single yet!”

Girl B: “I’m single! I should be the one teasing all the cocks!”

Change

Cheer sits at the end of a car on a Bronx-bound 2 local train, reading a book at 1:30am.

The back car door opens while the train is in motion and a cracked-out homeless woman enters right next to Cheer. The woman begins her tale of hunger, domestic violence, how the government has wronged her, her starving crack babies–whatever words she thinks will pull heartstrings and result in pennies from passengers. While the woman limps and whines her way to the other end of the car, the man across from Cheer pulls one dollar from his wallet. He watches the woman to signal her, but she never looks back. She moves to the next car on the train.

A few stops after the homeless woman has left the car, a homeless man enters. He has opted for the dirty paper cup technique. This involves shaking a mangled, grimy paper cup containing a few coins while mumbling. The homeless man approaches the man across from Cheer, who is still holding the dollar he had out for the woman.

Homeless man: “Mumble grumble. Change. Mumble. Help. Grumble.”

Man with dollar: “Oh, well, this was for another lady.” He looks to the other end of the train. “I was waiting for her to come back.”

Homeless man: “Bragrumble mumble.”

Man with dollar: “Uhhh, do you have 50 cents?”

The homeless man dumps all the change from his cup into his hand and begins sorting it. He finds 50 cents and gives it to the man, who then gives him the dollar.

Cheer: “Whatthefuck.”