A clerk strikes up conversation with Cheer’s Ecuadorian friend while they are checking out at a market in Costa Rica. With her limited Spanish, Cheer gathers that they are talking about cuy (aka guinea pig), a traditional dish in Ecuador. Cheer isn’t fully listening until she is being introduced to the clerk as a friend. The clerk’s attention shifts completely to Cheer.
Clerk: “If I eat cuy, can I be your boyfriend?”
Cheer: “What? No.”
Clerk: “Why not?”
Cheer: “You’re not attractive.”
Clerk: “What?”
Cheer: “Because I’m a vegetarian.”
Clerk: “If I become a vegetarian, can I be your boyfriend?
Cheer: “No.”
Clerk: “Why not?”
Cheer: “Omitting meat from your diet will not make you attractive.”
Clerk: “Huh?”
Cheer: “Because you’d have to move to New York.”
Clerk: “I’ll move to NY for you. If I move to NY and become a vegetarian, can I be your boyfriend?”
Cheer: “Your stalker dedication is flattering, but no.”
Clerk: “Why?”
Cheer: “How do you know I don’t already have a boyfriend?”
Clerk: “I can see it in your face.”
Cheer: “Oh? What about my face tells you that?”
Clerk: “I can just tell.”
Cheer: “Un-huh. You’ve got a sixth sense for boyfriends, eh?”
Clerk: “Yeah, I’m talented like that. You want a talented boyfriend. So, can we meet up later?”
Cheer: “Oh, clerky-clerk, you’re a helluva bargainer, but, I’m still going with no. Sorry.”
Clerk: “Awww, c’mon. Really?”
Cheer: “Really.”
Two days later, Cheer is on the same street walking alone. She sees Clerk. Because he sees her too, she smiles and gives a wave, simply to acknowledge they had met previously. She continues walking. Clerk runs to catch up to her.
Clerk: “Hola.”
Cheer: “Hola.”
Clerk: “Can I walk with you?”
Cheer: “If you agree not to ask if you can be my boyfriend.”
Clerk: “Awww, why, you don’t want me to be your boyfriend?”
Cheer: “Nope. Sorry.”
Clerk: “OK, OK. So, what are you doing here?”
Cheer: “I’m waiting for the bus back to my hotel.”
Clerk: “And where are your friends?”
Cheer: “Watching the game in that bar.”
Cheer and Clerk talk for a few minutes about his fluency in English due to his Louisiana-born mother, Cheer’s travels in Costa Rica and other chit-chat topics, before Clerk brings the conversation back around.
Clerk: “So, what are you doing tonight? Can I be your boyfriend tonight?”
Cheer: “I thought we had an agreement.”
Clerk: “What’s wrong? You don’t want a Costa Rican boyfriend?”
Cheer: “A hot one, sure.”
Clerk: “What?”
Cheer: “What if I already have one?”
Clerk: “You don’t.”
Cheer: “How do you know?”
Clerk: “If you had one, he’d be here with you right now.”
Cheer: “Are you sure?”
Clerk: “Yeah. You don’t have one. You need a Costa Rican boyfriend.”
Cheer: “Oh, and where do you suppose I might find one?”
Clerk: “Why don’t you let me be your boyfriend?”
Cheer: “Why won’t you accept my rejection?”
Clerk: “You’re rejecting me?”
Cheer laughs: “Yes, sorry.”
Clerk: “Awww, c’mon, you know what they say…”
Cheer: “What?”
Clerk: “Once you go black…”
Cheer cocks her head and raises her eybrows.
Cheer: “You’re serious.”
Clerk: “Yeah.”
Cheer: “Why do you assume I haven’t ‘gone black’?”
Clerk: “I can just tell.”
Cheer: “Oh, boy. Here we go again.”
Clerk: “I could go again and again.”
Cheer: “I’m sure you could.”
Clerk: “So can I be your boyfriend again and again tonight?”
Cheer: “While this repetative conversation is highly ammusing, I’m going to again and again turn down your offer.”
Clerk: “But…”
Cheer: “My bus is here.”
Clerk: “But…”
Cheer: “Nice to meet you. I hope you find another to be your girlfriend tonight.”
Clerk: “But I never get anyone to be my girlfriend.”
Cheer: “Maybe you want to work on your approach, and you know, get hotter.”
Clerk: “If I work on my approach and get hotter will you let me be your boyfriend?”
Cheer: “Perhaps. Next time I’m in Costa Rica, give it another try. Adios.”
Clerk: “Adios.”