I’m Not Making This Up: Questions Diners Have Asked Me

Serving exposes one to a barrage of stupid people. One requirement of being a server is to keep a straight face while calmly answering questions like the ones below, in order to make the diner feel as though it were a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.

What kind of underwear do you have?

The chocolate torte… Can I get that, but vanilla instead?

On the grilled calamari salad, is the calamari grilled?

So, the prix fixe set-up here, it works just like the prix-fixe at Applebee’s, right?

Is the tuna tartare cooked pretty well done?

Can I get the tuna tartare, but cooked?

(In Grand Central Terminal) Is this a train station?