Party size: 2

Customers: Married couple from Scotland. Early 70s.

Cheer: “Do you prefer Pellegrino, Panna, or ice water?”

Woman: “Can you drink the tap water here?”

Cheer: “Actually, New York City is known for having really good tap water. I find it to be quite quaffable.”

Woman: “Well, they say when you travel abroad, you shouldn’t drink the tap water.”

Cheer: “OooooooK. Sorry, I thought we were having a different conversation.”

Woman: “I mean, I know you can drink it in Scotland, but they say you shouldn’t while abroad.”

Cheer: “Is this what has become of the United States’ reputation? Other First World countries think we’ve spiraled so far out of control, that they consider the States to be a country where it is inadvisable to drink the water?”

Woman: “No. It’s just that I take in information at face value. I don’t delve any deeper or reach out for more information. So, in order to go along with recommendations given by the ethereal “They,” I shouldn’t drink the water abroad, but I couldn’t tell you why.”

Cheer: “Well, you can drink the tap water anywhere in the States. Just like in Scotland.”

Woman looking worried: “Are you sure?”

Cheer: “Yes.”

Woman to husband: “Do you think it’s OK? Should we get a bottle?”

Husband: “I’m just tuning into this conversation. Water? It’s all the same. Yes. No. Whatever you think.”

Cheer: “How about I bring you some tap. You try it, and if you die, I’ll get you a bottle.”

Woman: “OK.”