Party size: 2

Customer 1: Man in jeans, t-shirt and baseball hat. May or may not be married to customer 2, but definitely simulates reproduction with her regularly.

Customer 2: Woman who simulates reproduction with customer 1

Cheer: “Hi southerners who would never step foot in Carmel if they weren’t in town for Laguna Seca races.”
Southerners: “Hi. We’re completely boring and you probably won’t think much of us all night.”

Cheer: “I agree. So, now that we’re on the same page, let’s get this snooze party started and I’ll take your order.”

Southerners: “Okay. We’d like some food to start and some other food for our entrées.”

Cheer: “Great. I’ll just go to the kitchen now and pretty much forget you’re around until your food comes up.”

Southerners: “We’re cool with that. We won’t draw any attention either cause we don’t really like each other, so you won’t hear us talking and interrupting the Zen calm of the restaurant.”

Cheer: “Alright. You’re so boring I’m just going to skip to the end of your meal–the part of the story where you become interesting.”

Southerners: “Whatever.”

Cheer: (to man) “I see you’ve decided to display your lack of fine dining experience by placing your cloth napkin in a heap on your plate.”

Man: “Yeah, pretty much.”

Cheer: “Well, I find that entirely gauche. But you’re not the first person to display his ignorance of restaurant manners in this format, so I’m not really fazed by it, and you’re still boring.”

Man: “I like being boring.”

Cheer: “I can see that. Anyway, now that you signified you’re finished eating I’ll just pick up these plates and ask you if you’d like to look at our dessert menu.”

Man: “Okay, but could I please take that to-go?”

Cheer: “Uhhh…I’m holding one plate with nothing but a vibe of the food that was once there and another plate with your napkin in it. Like in the remaining food. So, I’m scared to ask, but, you want the napkin plate to-go?”

Man: “Mmm hmm.”

Cheer: “You just left the realm of boring and entered the world of hilarious.”

Man: “I don’t understand.”

Cheer: “I don’t think I could explain it to you. I’m going to run away to the kitchen now and laugh a lot. With my coworkers. At you. And you’re gauche-itude.”

Man: “Alright. That’s sounds good.”

Cheer returns to kitchen.

Cheer: “Hey coworkers…”

Coworkers: “What’s up?”

Cheer presents the two plates in her hands.

Cheer: “Guess which plate this table wants to-go?

Coworkers: “Shut. Up.”

Cheer: “Do you think he wants the napkin in his to-go box?

Coworkers: “I think it’s required to give it to him.”

Cheer: “Right-o. Jose, will you box everything on this plate for me while I proffer our new favorite customers dessert?

Jose: “Absolutely.”