Eden stands in line at Duane Reade and Cheer emerges from the depths of the store and stands in line with her. Cheer holds a bottle of water to be purchased.

Eden: “Ooooo, will you get me a bottle of water?”

Cheer: “By ‘will you get me a bottle of water’ do you mean, ‘I’ll keep the place in line while you go fetch another bottle of water, and by the time you get back we’ll be at the front of the line, and we’ll check out pronto-style together?”

Eden: “Mmmkay. Sure.”

Cheer gets Eden a bottle of water and returns to the front of the store, where Eden is now at the register.

Cheer: “Eden, what the fuck, why didn’t you wait for me to get back before running your card?”

Eden: “Oh. Ummm, because when I send people on Duane Reade bitch runs for me, I tend to completely forget that we had an arrangement.”

Eden to cashier: “Can we add this?”

Cashier: “I hate my life, and I’m determined to suck everyone into my vortex of pain and annoyance, so, no.”

Cheer: “You lie! You can! She hasn’t signed it yet.”

Cashier looks at Cheer with an I-consume-only-lithium blankness.

Cheer: “Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!”

Eden signs for her transaction. Cheer places two bottles of water down for a new transaction.

Cashier: “Do you have a Duane Reade card?”

Cheer: “Yes, but I don’t have it with me. Do you have one that you can just scan for me?”

Cashier: “No, we don’t have that policy.”

Cheer: “Policy? Other cashiers do this for me all the time.”

Cashier: “What part of ‘vortex of pain and annoyance’ did you not hear?”

Cheer: “Fine. Can I just get a new card?”

The cashier gets a new card and slides the form over to Cheer to be filled out. Cheer fills in the form with 100% truthful information (Sally Smith, 1234 Main St. Fairfield, CT) and hands the form back to the cashier.

Cashier: “That will be $4.27.”

Cheer hands the cashier a $10 bill. The cashier proceeds to hold up the bill to the florescent lights for an entirely long time.

Cashier: “Can I have another bill?”

Cheer: “Seriously?”

Cashier stares at Cheer.

Cheer: “You have got to be fucking kidding me. You know that’s a $10 bill, right? As in, there’s only one zero. Who looks for authenticity with a $10 bill?”

Cheer hands the cashier a new $10 bill. He holds it up to the lights and again takes his pretty time to decide that this $10 is real.

Cheer: “So, ummm, can I have the other $10 back? Or were you just planning on announcing it as a fake and then keeping it to spend at McDunkin’Bucks on your break?”

Cashier looks at Cheer like she farted at a black tie dinner, then gives her the old $10, followed by the change from the new one.

Cheer and Eden exit the store and share a what-the-fuck laugh.